Know Your Stars GX
by XxStarryxxSkyxX
Summary: Learn completely made up facts about your favorite YGO GX characters in this story! Rating may go up as story progresses. Character bashing ahead.
1. Jaden

Hello there! I'm XxStarryxxSkyxX, your loving host! (_You don't love them! You want to kill them all for not reviewing your other stories!_) Aaah! WTF?!? What the hell was that? _(You know me… you know… my name is-) _STOP! They mustn't know about you! Or any of you, for that matter! Now get back in my head and stay there! _(I hate you.) _You hate everyone. Now, anyway, moving on. If any of you are fans of my other stories, sorry I haven't been updating in a while. I've been distracted by obsessive Yu-Gi-Oh and Yu-Gi-Oh GX… umm… obsession. Well, anyway, about this fic. I just thought I'd let my funny side roam free in the form of a funny story. Well, here it is, don't want to keep you waiting!

Disclaimer: I own none of the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh GX, or Know Your Stars respectively. I'm just here to make up funny jokes, half of which I probably ripped off from beesnipe or LittleKuriboh or one of my friends anyway. But, if it's any consolation, I'll own my own manga series one day. All will fall to the power of my manga! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! cough

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_Jaden Yuki is in a chair in the middle of a dimly lit room for no adequately explained reason, waiting for something, anything, to happen._

Announcer Voice Guy: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Jaden: Holy crap! What the hell? Where is that voice coming from?

AVG: Your mom. Know your stars… Jaden Yuki. He's wearing a man-thong right now.

Jaden: My mom? What are you talking about? I am not wearing a man thong!

AVG: How do you know?

Jaden: I'd know what kind of underpants I'm wearing! I mean, they are my underpants after all!

AVG: Who said anything about underpants? You're not wearing any. All you've got is a man thong!

Jaden: I am _not _wearing a man thong!

AVG: Have you checked lately?

Jaden: Have I… _what?_

_With that, Jaden pulls on the front of his pants, several cameras flashed, and Jaden looked down._

Jaden: HOLY CRAP! It is a man thong! How did this get on me?

AVG: Maybe you forgot to take them off after you got finished Role-Playing last night.

Jaden: WHAT?!?

AVG: Jaden Yuki, he has wild sex parties every night with his roommates and, occasionally, Chazz.

Jaden: What? No I don't! That's sick! You're sick!

AVG: Actually, my friend, I'm just someone who's been hired to do nothing but humiliate people in this nice, cushy room I'm in. And, I might be a fan of yaoi. cough

Jaden: You're in a room? Where are you? I'm gonna pulverize you!

AVG: I see. Because of people like you, my nice, cushy room of goodness has been moved to a different general area. And by 'general area' I mean halfway across the world.

Jaden: Then how the heck do you know what I'm saying?

AVG: It's called technology, get used to it. Now, where was I? Oh yes… Jaden Yuki. He has an I.Q. of 71.

Jaden: 52, I'll have you know!

AVG: Lovely. Well, now you know Jaden Yuki, the man-thong-wearing sex maniac who has an I.Q. of 52 and not 71, apparently.

Jaden: No they don't! They don't know me at all! You haven't told them a single true fact about me! Here, I'll set the record straight! I-

_Suddenly, Jaden got interrupted in the form of being squished by a giant boot labeled "Mr. Big Shoe." _

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Well, that's all for now, folks! _(You did not just make a Porky Pig reference.) _Hey! I thought I told you to go away! Do I have to put you back in the box again? _(Please don't put me back there!) _Then shut up! Anyway… Well, what do you think so far? Like it? Hate it? Let me know in a review! Bye!


	2. Chazz

Hi again, people! I just read my first two reviews, which strangely contradict each other. You see, reviewer #1 says not to "torture" Zane, but reviewer #2 says to "torture" everyone, including Zane, if I have to. So, to avoid everyone's wrath, I'll just write about Chazz instead. Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh GX or any of the characters in it. I do, however, own a Sasuke plushie. It is the cuteness.

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_Chazz Princeton randomly appears in a chair in the middle of the same dimly lit room from last chapter. Why is he there? If you don't already know, you're officially retarted._

Announcer Voice Guy: Know your starts, know your stars, know your stars…

Chazz: Aah! What was that?!? A voice… A voice in my… head?

AVG: Know your stars… Chazz Princeton. He hears voices in his head telling him to do the cha-cha.

Chazz: Wait, are you in my head or not?

AVG: No, you dummy. But that voice telling you to cha-cha is.

Chazz: What voice? The only voice I hear is yours.

AVG: Then explain this:

_A screen randomly appears, showing Chazz doing the cha-cha._

Chazz: What the hell? I-I never did that!

AVG: Yes you did. Because the voice told you to.

Chazz: There is no voice!

AVG: Uh huh. Sure. Chazz Princeton. He enjoys the times he goes to wild sex parties with Jaden.

Chazz: I enjoy doing WHAT?!?

AVG: Watch episode one, you'll understand.

Chazz: Episode one of what?

AVG: This show.

Chazz: What show?

AVG: The one where I tell our audience stuff about people for their entertainment.

Chazz: Screw your show, I have money!

AVG: Not for long.

Chazz: What's that supposed to mean?!?

AVG: That would be telling, wouldn't it? Chazz Princeton. He's madly in love with Zane Truesdale.

Chazz: _WHO?!?_

AVG: You heard me. Zane Truesdale. You know you love him.

Chazz: No I don't! My one true love is Alexis! Alexis, Alexis, Alexis!

AVG: Yeah, of course. You're in love with a _girl._ Sure, I believe you.

Chazz: What are you implying?

AVG: Implying? Why would I be implying something?

Chazz: Because you just said – I – AARGH!

AVG: Now now, settle down. We all know coming out of the closet is stressful.

Chazz: But I'm _not gay!_

AVG: Sure you aren't. Now, go back home to your Zane love shrine.

Chazz: _I DON'T HAVE A ZANE LOVE SHRINE!_

_Meanwhile, in the audience, Zane heard everything._

Zane: What? Holy crap! You… you… ODD PERSON, YOU!

_A shoe was thrown from Zane's general direction, bonking Chazz square in the head._

Chazz: But, I - ack!

_Chazz fell to the ground, knocked out from the shoe, which, in case you haven't figured out, was thrown by Zane, The Possibly Emo._

AVG: Now you know Chazz Princeton, the schizophrenic, sex-loving homosexual. (God, I love my job…)

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Well, hope you like it! If anyone has any ideas, or recommendations for who I'll "torture" next, I'll gladly take them! I'm gonna update as soon as I get at least two more reviews, so send yours in! By the way, does anyone else notice the recurring theme of knocking out GX stars with footwear? O.o


	3. Syrus

Hi, I'm back again! I just read my new reviews. Wow, that's the most reviews I've ever gotten in a short period of time! So, to respond… You've all requested characters to torment, so I'll tally up the votes here:

Alexis: 1

Aster: 1

Satorious: 1

Sy: 2

Bastion: 1

Hassleberry: 1

Well, looks like Syrus is next! And, to WhiteLadyDragon… Yes, I've seen a lot of script-form fictions on this site, no worries. ON TO THE STORY!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in YGO GX, or any of the cards, plots, evilly evil schemes, that sort of thing. But I do own a Gaara plushie as well, and YOUR SOULS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But, seriously, I own nothing.

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_Cue the dimly lit room, with Sy in the chair for no apparent reason._

Announcer Voice Guy: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Sy: AAH! What…-Am I dead?

AVG: Aw, isn't that cute, he thinks he's dead. Know your stars… Syrus Truesdale.

Sy: Know your what? I… JADEN!

AVG: Sorry, Jaden's currently seeing Mr.BigShoe. Anyway… Syrus Truesdale. He's a mama's boy.

Sy: No I'm not!

AVG: Yes you are!

Sy: No I'm not!

AVG: Yes you are!

Sy: No I'm not!

AVG: Yes you are!

Sy: MOM!

AVG: Aha! I caught you! Mama's boy!

Sy: I, uh, ah, darn it all!

AVG: Syrus Truesdale. He's an alcoholic. Big time.

Sy: WHAAAT?!? No, I'm not!

_A randomly random string attached to somewhere up on the ceiling dropped down to Syrus' level._

AVG: Would you mind pulling that string, then?

Sy: Uh, ok…

_Syrus pulls the string, and tons of empty bottles crash down to the floor, cracking and breaking right in front of him._

Sy: GAH! Wh-where did all this come from?!?

AVG: The ceiling. We found them under the bed in your dorm.

Sy: YOU WERE IN MY DORM?!?

AVG: Yup.

Sy: WHY?!?

AVG: I needed something to use for the show.

Sy: But that doesn't-I-AAARGH!

_Syrus went into a fit of pulling on his hair and smashing his fists against his head, and he would've knocked himself out if the show was over. But it's not. So he's still conscious. _

AVG: Are you done yet?

Sy: pant pant Yeah, I think so…

AVG: Ready for the next fact?

Sy: Yeah. Wait, I mean-! No! I DON'T DRINK!

AVG: Uh-huh, yeah, right. Syrus Truesdale. He enjoys dressing up as a girl and dancing.

Sy: That makes the LEAST sense out of all the things you've said tonight!

AVG: Oh yeah? Well, maybe you'd like to explain this seemingly Chazz-like situation:

_The same screen from last chapter randomly appeared, but instead of showing Chazz doing the cha-cha, it showed Syrus in a Card Captor Sakura outfit, dancing to the Sailor Moon theme song._

Sy: … OO

AVG: Exactly.

_And so, everyone in the audience, consisting of the entire YGO GX cast and anyone who's reading this fic, were scarred for life. Including Zane and Kaiseress._

AVG: And now you know Syrus Truesdale, the alcoholic mama's boy that likes to dance in girls' clothes.

Sy: …OO

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Well everyone, sorry if I offended anyone by calling SY an alcoholic mama's boy who likes to dress up in girls' clothes and dance. I was kinda brain-dead during this chapter, so any ideas would be greatly appreciated. and if the person you wanted to see tormented didn't get picked this time, vote for him/her in your reviews! Bye!


	4. Hassleberry and Aster

Hello everyone, back again! Well, I read all your reviews, and tallied up the votes. Looks like we have a tie! Both Aster and Hassleberry got three votes so far! So, for my adoring fans, I'll give you a special chapter, one with both Aster _and_ Hassleberry in it!

And remember… vote for the character YOU want to see tortured next! (Just between you and me, Alexis and Zane seem like they'll be the next ones to get it… They tied for second place, you know.)

Disclaimer: If I owned this show, which I don't, Aster and Zane would dance around in fancy fruit hats! But I don't. So they won't.

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_Our first guest here tonight is Hassleberry. Of course, he's in the dimly lit room on the chair, but I'm running out of funny ways to say that. Oh, wait, was that funny? If it wasn't… PICKLES!_

Announcer Voice Guy: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Hassleberry: Holy random generic hillbilly expression that makes no sense! I sense voices!

AVG: Know your stars… Hassleberry Schmoodenieger. His last name is funny.

Hassleberry: That's not my last name!

AVG: Well, it should be.

Hassleberry: What the heck is a Schmoodenieger anyway?

AVG: Your last name. Quick, before the audience loses interest with this less than funny opening, we need to continue with the show!

Hassleberry: What show?

AVG: Your mother.

Hassleberry: …Harsh, partner.

AVG: Hassleberry Schmoodenieger-

Hassleberry: That's not my name!

AVG: -He's actually… a Mexican!

Hassleberry: What? I'm not Mexican!

AVG: Sure you are.

Hassleberry: No I'm not!

AVG: Then prove it!

Hassleberry: Do I LOOK Mexican to you?

_A random string attached to the ceiling fell down to Hassleberry's level. As he pushed it away, the door on the ceiling it was attached to opened, and a sombrero fell onto his head._

AVG: Now you do.

Hassleberry: What in the name of my dinosaur DNA? What's this?

AVG: It's your hat. Your Mexican hat. You have one because you're a Mexican, from Mexico. Which is why you like to do the Mexican hat dance in the same room as Chazz when he does the cha-cha, which is ironically the same room where Syrus dresses up like a girl and dances as well. Showing a video at this point would be pointless, seeing as you'd just get owned by my incredible video-making skills.

Hassleberry: But I'm NOT a Mexican!

AVG: Of course you aren't. Now go help Chazz and Sy fight evil by moonlight by doing the cha-cha around a sombrero in girl's clothes, then win the love of Jaden by daylight. And allow me to take this time to say that the whole "dino DNA" thing makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Hassleberry: You're an evil, evil voice person man woman thingy.

AVG: Hassleberry Schmoodenieger. He's about to get knocked unconscious by a random generic piece of footwear.

Hassleberry: I…wha-?

_As foretold by the magical voice of wonders, a random generic piece of footwear knocked Hassleberry on the head and knocked him out, because shoes are just that cool. _

AVG: And now you know Hassleberry Schmoodenieger, the Mexican with a funny last name that got knocked out by a random piece of footwear.

_After he fell unconscious, he was carried off by the Men in Black to some undisclosed location. Then, Aster magically poofed into the chair._

AVG: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Aster: Whaa! What just happened? How did I get here? And who are you?

AVG: I'm the announcer voice guy. Anyway… Know your stars… Aster Phoenix, he's a porn star.

Aster: What? That's INSANE! And how did I get here? Where's my agent?

AVG: It's not insane. You even have a porn star name. It's Retsa Xineohp.

Aster: That… that doesn't even make sense!

AVG: Of course it does! And don't feel alone, I have one too. It's Recnuonna Eciov Yug. Very exotic. And sexy.

Aster: _What?_ You're making absolutely no sense! I really want to get back to my career of playing a children's card game.

AVG: _Now_ who's not making sense? Honestly, and I thought having a P.H.D. in playing a children's card game was weird enough, but making a living out of it?

Aster: Shut up you, just shut up!

AVG: Moving on! Aster Phoenix, he's a she-male, just like his long-lost cousin Ryou Bakura.

Aster: My long-lost who? I've never even heard of him!

AVG: Yeah, that's what he said.

Aster: Who?

AVG: LittleKuriboh.

Aster: Who?

AVG: Didn't you hear me the first time, you she-male deaf person?!

Aster: I am not a she-male!

_Just then, a random pin poked Aster in the booty, making him scream like a small female child._

AVG: I rest my case.

Random generic butt poker: Good thing I took all those she-male poking classes.

Aster: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

AVG: Aster Phoenix, his butt is sore because of all the hot, rough man-sex he had last night with Sartorious.

Aster: What? I never- I mean, we never- I'm not- He's not-

AVG: Then why are you rubbing your butt with an expression of great anguish on your face?

Aster: Because that random person just poked me with a pin!

RGBP: Damn straight.

AVG: No, he's gay, random generic butt poker! Weren't you listening to my generic indirect insult?

Aster: I'M NOT GAY!

AVG: Ok, if you aren't gay, which you are or else your butt wouldn't be in a world of pain, then Sartorious definitely is. I mean, what kind of man has hair that long?

RGBP: Sesshoumaru?

AVG: Get out of here, your work is done!

RGBP: So are you saying I'm fired?

AVG: Yes, now get out of here!

RGBP: But I have a wife and three kids!

AVG: We never even paid you in the first place!

Aster: We?

RGBP: NOOOOOOO!

_The random generic butt poker collapsed into a heap of sobbing butt-poking former glory, and was carried away by the Men in Black. The other Men in Black. The ones with fancy fruit hats._

Aster: Well, that was significantly awkward…

AVG: Shut up and fall over, or I'll knock you out with a shoe!

Aster: Just try it!

_A random shoe is thrown, but, gasp, knocked away by Aster So instead, Mr. Big Shoe tried to squish him, but he knocked him away, too. Then finally, Mr. Weight, the heartthrob of the universe, squished him. Heh heh. Squish. Owned by a large weight._

AVG: Yeah. That's what I thought. So now you know Aster Phoenix, A.K.A. Retsa Xineohp, the she-male who's butt hurts from getting anally raped by Sartorious, because he's apparently not gay. Cue the incredibly angry and disturbed Retsa- I mean, Aster- fangirls. See ya in Playgirl!

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Wow, that was a long one! Sorry if I upset you or if this wasn't funny enough, my brain's sorta been dying lately.

Whoops! This section's been removed, for some reason. No more contest, sorry! Don't ask… Family problems.

And remember, vote, vote, vote!


	5. Alexis and Zane

I'm back again, this time with Night at the Museum playing in the background. Enjoy.

Well, on a more related note, I got more reviews, and it looks like Zane and Alexis are up next! This chapter's gonna be superfuntasterific!

Disclaimer: I'm now the proud owner of a hula skirt that I'll be wearing to my mom's wedding, but not Yu-Gi-Oh GX. Or Know Your Stars. Or the Men in Black. But who needs that stuff when you've got a hula skirt?

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_Alexis is randomly sitting in the Almighty Chair of Humiliating Doom, like people normally do._

AVG: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Alexis: Hey-! Did… did I just hear a voice?

AVG: Yes, mine. Know your stars… Alexis Rhodes. She's totally pimpin' with the guys.

Alexis: I'm _what_ with the _who?_

AVG: Hard of hearing? Pimpin' with the guys. You know, Jaden, Chazz, Zane, Atticus…

Alexis: What? I've never so much as hugged any of those guys, I wouldn't-Wait. _Atticus?_ He's my _brother! _

AVG: Your point being

Alexis: That's… That's _sick!_

AVG: Oh, come on. You know you love him.

Alexis: Well, in a sense, but-

AVG: AHA! There you have it.

Alexis: But I-

AVG: Alexis Rhodes, she likes to sing about noodles.

Alexis: About whaaa..?

AVG: Oh, just role the clip already!

Alexis: The-

_Alexis was cut off, due to a screen in front of her turning on, showing her singing about noodles. Also, Chazz, Sy, and Hassleberry were in the background. They were dancing._

Video Alexis: I'm an expert duelist, and I like to shop, and I also like to drink soda pop. But there's one thing that I do love most, and I sing about it everywhere, coast to coast. I'm an expert duelist, and I got noodles on my back, noodles on my back, noodles on my back…

Alexis: That made no sense…

AVG: And that's what makes it funny! Alexis Rhodes, her favorite show is The Wiggles.

Alexis: The who?

AVG: Can't you say anything other than things that vaguely sound like that?

Alexis: What?

AVG: Hot potato, hot potato, mashed banana mashed banana, cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti… spaghetti… spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti…

Alexis: Woah, Wiggles! Oh my god, where?!?

AVG: Exactly.

Alexis: I-

AVG: And now you know Alexis Rhodes, the pimpin' Wiggles fanatic who likes to sing about noodles.

Alexis: They know nothing. NOTHING!

AVG: Shoe time!

_A boot knocked Alexis out. Horray for shoes!_

Alexis: Urk!

_The generic random butt poker and the Man in Black who was wearing a fancy fruit hat came in, dragging Zane with them, though Zane had a passive look on his face. They put Zane in the chair._

RGBP: Hey, I got another job! HI MOM!

MIBWAFFH: Come here, you. We don't pay you to greet your family.

_The Man in Black who was wearing a fancy fruit hat "escorted" the random generic butt poker out the door._

RGBP: Awww…

AVG: Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars…

Zane:…

AVG: Zane Trusedale, he's into bondage.

Zane: What makes you say that?

AVG: You make your freaking opponents wear those electric bondage collars of evil sadistic doom!

Zane: And…

AVG: And… You're… NEXT FACT! Zane Trusedale, he loves frilly pink things.

Zane: That's got to be the oldest attempted insult in all of fanfiction.

AVG: Really? I thought it was only Sasuke they did that to.

Zane: Yup. Ranks right up there with Alexis being an evil bitch, Jaden being a dumbass, and Mary-Sues.

AVG: Mary-Sues are an attempted insult?

Zane: Yes. An insult to all of fanfiction. Everywhere.

AVG: Oh, don't even get me started… HEY! Wait a minute… you're supposed to be angry at me! Why aren't you angry?

Zane: Because nothing you say is true.

AVG: And why doesn't that bother you?

Zane: Because I'm too cool for that.

AVG: Uh… Arg… NEXT FACT! Zane Trusedale, he's a convicted rapist.

Zane: …No comment.

AVG: Wait… Is that… true?

Zane: No comment.

AVG: NOTHING I SAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE TRUE! GAAAAHHHHH!

_Footsteps and an angry door slam are heard, and the announcer voice guy says no more._

Zane: And now you know… Announcer Voice Guy, the arrogant liar that can't take the truth… even when it's made up.

_Zane chuckles and walks out the door._

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Well, hoped you liked that little twist at the end! Be sure to let me know if you feel like it! I'm kinda running out of things to say, so… Any ideas would be appreciated! If you got nothing, I'll be sure to figure something out…

Ta-Ta!


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